I woke up to the sound of seagulls cawing as the morning sun slowly warmed my face. "Stupid seagulls, always waking me up," I mumbled to myself, opening my eyes. I was lying on a beach, apparently in the middle of nowhere. There was sand all over my pajamas. "Um...AAAHHHHHH!!!!!"
After flailing around screaming for a few minutes, I began to realise that I was indeed stranded on a small tropical island of some sort. Okay, this was bad. I quickly assessed the situation in my mind. There were palm trees, blooming tropical flowers and an overall rocky terrain. No makeup. No mirrors. No wardrobe. No casuals at my disposal. This was really bad indeed. "Hello" I called, climbing through the foliage. I thought maybe I should explore the island, maybe find a fully fuelled rescue helicopter or something.
A voice answered me in the distance. "Hello, is someone there?"
"Yep," I called back. "Right over here. Can you hear me?"
"I do," replied the voice. "I'm on the other side of this gigantic rock. Just let me climb over once."
Then the person's arm swung over the rocky outcropping and she swung herself over the side, coming into view. It was Princess Toadstool. Doing what most sensible people do to avoid having a conniption fit, I passed out.
When I woke up again, I knew by my surroundings that this wasn't a dream. I looked over to see Princess Toadstool stirring a pot of soup in a makeshift kitchenette in a makeshift condominium all inside a really big cave.
"Oh, Wendy, you're awake," she said. No wonder she's the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, with logic like that. I gave her my patented "I-hate-you-for-helping-me-because-I'm-a-brat" look.
"Why am I here? How did we get here?" I demanded.
"To be sure, Wendy, I don't know. But I'm sure Mario will come and rescue me soon. I'll bet he's already on his way. Well, I made you some soup."
I could kill her, I swear. But I was starving. From the time I first woke up I knew I had to find food. At any cost. Hadn't eatin since...breakfast. Eight...nine HOURS ago. I looked in the pot. Brownish translucent-grey. Looks vile enough.
"Whatcha got?" I asked.
"Oh, just what I could manage to rustle up. Daddy didn't raise a princess who couldn't cook from raw, inedible natural resources...no ma'am." She poured me a cocunute full of soup and handed it over to me. Ugh...I was about to drink steamy nasty Princess Toadstool food. Help me.
"This isn't half bad, Toadstool," I said. "What's in it?"
"Sand, sea water and moss," she said proudly, smiling. This was most definately not going to work.
-Five months latre-
"Let's go, Wendy...It's six o'clock in the morning, time to forage for bugs and little bits of string. We spent like nine hours collecting bugs from all over this stupid island. Turns out afterwards she only wanted them so she could donate them to medical research facilities to better the mushroom people when we got home.
"Hey, wait a minute, Toadstool. You're going to dedicate these bugs to science, but you have no idea where we are or if Mario will ever find you. Doesn't that bother you at all?" I asked her, growing more irritated by the second.
"Oh, no...Mario's the greatest plumbre in the world. He's bound to find me. I'm really learning a lot, though, out here...How to fend for myself alone on a deserted island. No offense, Wendy."
"Eh...huh? I wasn't listening."
"You've also done so well adapting to this place. It's like you're really grown up, lately. I'm so proud of you," she said. Heh. I guess she really had no idea I was putting snail guts in her tea every morning. "Maybe when we get back, you can join our side in the fight for goodness. What do you think?"
"I think I see a warp pipe over there. See ya, Princess." Yep, sure enough. There was a warp pipe, right there in front of the cave. I wonder how we missed it all these months. Just before I jumped through I heard the Princess call to me "Well, that's fine, I'm just going to wait here for Mario."
I came through right at Kastle Koopa. In front of Iggy's door, no less.I heard voices behind his door, so I crept over and listened.
"Alright, Roy, pay up. I kept my end of the bargain and everyone knows it. They paid me; now it's your turn," said Iggy's voice.
"C'mon Roy," said Larry. "Pay up or he'll use his machine to bring her back."
"Or perhaps I'll send you there too for breaking our deal," warned Iggy.
"Hey guys, she's not on any of the monitors anymore," said Lemmy.
"Can it, Lemmy," said Iggy. "So where were we, Roy?"
"Grr...Here. Anything but that."
"HUH!!??? Why that little--" I burst through his door. They all looked at me with the most hilariously wide-eyed expressions.
"Oh crap," said Iggy. "There goes my genius plan down the toidy."
"JUST WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME, YOU LUNATIC!!??" I screamed to Iggy. "Explain!!"
"Well, Wendy, you know how...how everyone despises you and what not? Anyway, I figured why not, um, create a machine that can teleport you and the princess to a desert island and cash in on my siblings for doing them such a favour, sort of, maybe? Heh..."
"That wasn't very nice of you, really, Iggy," I said, approaching him slowly.
"Guess your little plan backfired, bro," said Ludwig.
"You know we'll side with the clear victor...No offense, Iggy," said Morton as we all closed in on Iggy and drug him away towards his lab.
"Guys?" started Iggy. "What exactly are you implying by this 'dragging of me to my lab'?" Then his voice got quieter. "You wouldn't do this...right?"
-On the island with Princess Toadstool-
"Oh, so they did." said Iggy aloud to himself as he found himself sitting on a rock in the middle of nowhere, unable to see a thing without his glasses that I kindly relieved him of before we tossed him through the teleporter.
"Did what, Lemmy?" asked the princess, looking over to Iggy. Oh, how he screamed...
The Ende
C'est le cràp, n'cest pas?