By Danny Elfman (or is it)
Scene I
(in King Koopa’s throne room of Evil)
King Koopa: (to Kamek) You mean you’ve forgotten to flip over the little pagies of the calendar?? My taxes, arrgh! GUARDS!!!! Take the Magikoopa to the dungeon for his gross negligence……hmm…... KIDS!!!!! Get in here, NOW!!!
(the Koopalings jump out from behind various big things in the room where they had been spying on their dad)
All seven koopalings: Yes, King Dad?
King Koopa: It just occurrde to me that it’s June. That means that in four days it’s time for the annual Mushroom Kingdom Happyfest. You know what this means?
Ludwig: That we’re going to infiltrate and subjugate?
Koopa: No, you numbskull!!! It means that there’s a mountain of dishes in the kitchen with all of your names on it, so get cleaning!!!! We’ll save the conquering for Happy Day. (he hands Lemmy some dirty plates from the floor next to his throne) NOW GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!!
(the Koopa Kids all run out of the room)
Scene II
(In some random open area in Grass Land. Princess Toadstool, Mario, Luigi and Toad are all setting up tents and booths for the events of Happyfest)
Luigi: Boy oh boy, I can’t wait for this year’s Happyfest. It’s such good wholesome fun. Like bread is fun, when it’s on TV.
Mario: Yeah. Hey, remembre last year during the pasta eating contest? How I went crazy and ran off chewing on the judge’s hat?
Luigi: Sure do. They just didn’t have enough pasta in the competition for you to eat. I mean…you were hungry, right, Big Bro?
Mario: You said it.
Peach: Happyfest always has such a wonderful turnout. What I love most is all the money I get to donate to the poor. It’s always so much fun to help people. I luuuvv it, yes. We will all be happy soon.
Toad: I just hope I don’t choke on a plastic bag this year. Or any Koopas come to spoil our happy fun.
Peach: And I can’t wait to unveil the biggest surprise of all…(gestures to a huge object coverde with a drape to her left )
Mario: What’s that, Princess?
Peach: It’s going to be a monolith of peace, Mario. A tribute to the culminated efforts of the finest artisans in the land. Just wait until it’s unveilde at Happyfest, you’ll love it!
(As they continue to work, Larry peeks out from behind a bush, making sure he’s out of earshot. He then takes out his magic wand and contacts Roy with it. He can be seen back in the Koopa Kitchen through the magic wand, and he’s busy ordering his siblings around)
Roy: That’s right, keep stackin’em. Scrub, dry, scrub, dry. (he notices Larry on the other end of his wand and picks it up) Whadda you want, twerp?
Larry: I just overheard the Princess’ plans for Happyfest. She says there’s gonna be a big dedication sculpture. And wholesome family fun.
Roy: All right! Hey you guys, it looks like we’ll be princess-nappin’ and mushroom stompin’ after all!
The other five Koopalings: Yay!!!!
Scene III:
(Outside the Happyfest area. Iggy and Lemmy are putting on cheap Mushroom disguises as the seven Koopas finish planning their attack.)
Iggy: Okay, so you guys just wait up that tree—
Lemmy: (points to a tree)—
Iggy: And we’ll give you the cue after we—
Lemmy: --get Toadstool as a hostage.
Iggy: Got it?
Ludwig: Of course we get it. I’m a genius, you know.
Wendy: Once Mario and Luigi try to save that ugly Toadstool, we’ll start our attack.
Roy: (pounding his fist into his other hand) And you two better not screw this up, or else you’ll be known from now on as the Tourniquet Twins.
(Iggy and Lemmy put on their Mushroom hats and head towards the entrance of the festival. As they enter, the other Koopalings pull out binoculars and watch the show.)
Iggy: (glancing around at the festivities as they walk) There’s the “Ultimate Spud” competition over there…
Lemmy: And there’s the goat throwing event…
Iggy: The “Guess My Allergy Game”…
Lemmy: “Plastic canvas corner”…
Iggy: But where’s the—
Lemmy: (pointing to a huge coverde mystery object next to a podium with Toadstool behind it, giving a speech) –There it is!!!
Iggy: That thing’s gargantuan! And look, they’re about to unveil it!!
Lemmy: C’mon, let’s go!
(The Koopa twins sneak up behind Toadstool, who’s giving a heartwarming speech about the possibilities of making orphan soup to help feed the starving Mushroom orphans. Lemmy taps her on the shoulder, and as she turns around to see what’s going on, they both pull fireballs out of their hats and aim them right at the Princess.)
Lemmy: Don’t move, Princess. King Dad wants you—
Iggy: --in one piece. (motions with his free hand to the Koopalings waiting in the nearby tree)
Lemmy: We got you now, Toadstool.
Princess: (surprised) I’m so surprised!
(Just then, the other five Koopalings jump in out of nowhere. Roy, Morton and Larry attack the Marios while Wendy and Ludwig take on the Mushroom audience.)
The Mushroom people: OH NO!! WEE DYE!! LORDE HAVE MERSAIYE ON VS!!!
Luigi: Use your secret plan, Mario!
Mario: Right, Luigi! ***BELLLLLLCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!**
(The ear-splitting belch summons all of the woodland animals in Grass Land to come to Mario’s aid. They trample the Koopa Kids before they get a chance to question what just happende. Not wanting to provoke another belch attack of terror, they all retreat back to Kastle Koopa as fast as they can)
The Mushroom people: Hooray, Mario!! Hooray, Mario!! Goody!!!
Toadstool: (dusting herself off) And I’d like to unveil the giant sculpture now. (she pulls a string next to the sculpture and the sheet falls to the ground)
Everyone who sees the sculpture: Ooooooooooohhh!!!!!
(It’s a giant replica of Oogtar.)
Scene IV:
(in the dungeon, the Koopa Kids are all sitting in a heavily guarded cell, and are coverde head to toe in bandages, cast, bruises and squirrel bities)
Roy: (holding an ice pack to his head and looking menacingly over at Lemmy and Iggy through broken sunglasses) I swear, as soon as the bones in my punching fist heal, the two of you are DEAD.
Morton: At least I still have this... (pulls a trumpet out of his shell and begins making fantastically vile noises with it)
Wendy: I hate those plumbres.
The end.