The Koopatorivm

Well, there you have it. The Wii has now sold 10 Billion. Micro$oft has only sold 2 million in close to 2 years. Sony sucks.

In other fake news:
Metal Gear Solid 4 is confirmed for both Xbox 360 and Wii. PS3 version has been canceled.

Sony is retiring from the console business. They will now only manufacture lawn decorations, and Christmas hams.   

All Sony material will now be released for the virtual console on the Wii, as well as porn. 

source: me.

If you have any other exclusives, please let us know in the comments and we'll include them in our very important news update! 

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Mario, known video game character and saver of Princess Peach, has recently been found in a New York hotel, surrounded by evidence linking him to the famous "Blanca" slavery ring.

    "I couldn't believe my eyes at first," said Officer Jenkins, who found Mario on Thursday.  "You just don't grow up thinking that you're going to arrest Mario."

    Mario was found with three kilograms of cocaine, five sheets of LSD, and twenty more kilograms of hallucinogenic mushrooms.  This seemed to be only half of his original supply, the rest having been consumed over the three weeks in which he had stayed at the hotel.

    "I didn't think that all of those little glass bottles with powder in them were anything to worry about," said the hotel receptionist, who wished to remain anonymous.  "I mean, here I am, Miss Mary Jules, and I just saw a guy with a moustache get a room.  Don't forget my anonymity, by the way."

    The investigation is still ongoing, but police are confident that they can link Mario to the white slavery ring through his heavy uses of drugs and his signed confession.

Last Sunday, a group of paleontologists, lead by Jack Kugel, found a complete T. Rex skeleton in South Carolina.  This in and of itself was a remarkable find in the world of paleontology.

"It's really rare that you'll find all the bones in one place like this," says Kugel.

That was hardly the most notable aspect of the find, however.  Clutched in the T. Rex's stubby forearms was a copy of the Gamecube edition of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.  The T. Rex itself was wearing a T-shirt with the slogan, "Wii Development Crew" emblazoned upon it.

This find, however, did not stir up much controversy in either the paleontology or the video gaming world.

"We all pretty much expected this," said Kugel.  "I mean, did you see the graphics for the Wii version?"

We were unable to reach an official representative of Nintendo to talk to, but we were able to talk to Neil Olsen, an employee at NOA.

"Yeah, we finished the Gamecube version in, oh, I'd say the late Jurassic," he said.  "We've held back the release date to add on some Wii functionality.  We think that the gamers really want to use that new Wii remote." 

In a recent press conference, Nintendo representatives said that they would start cracking down on unauthorized misuse of their licensed Mario characters, a popular series with many fan-based works.

"We have been browsing various fansites recently and have been very disappointed with what we have seen," said one intern. "Although we do not mind quality work which respects and promotes our hard work, there are some things on the internet that are just shameful."


  They continued to describe a list of items that would be targeted: fan-fiction with blatant disregard to the rules of convential grammar, fan-fiction depicting intimate situations, poor-quality MIDI and MP3 remixes, pictures with horrible misuse of proportion and no apparent artist skill, pictures depicting intimate situations, fetish pictures and others that appeared to be "just plain wrong," fancharacters who are supposed to be directly related to Mario, Luigi, Peach, or the Koopa family, and fancharacters who are a cross between a Yoshi or Koopa and some other species.


  "Our goal is to have all of these items removed from the internet within three months," the representatives continued. "After this grace period, we will start to file lawsuits. But for now, we would greatly appreciate in your cooperation in removing low-quality and illict fanwork from the internet." Already, many major art sites have complied to these standards, including deviantArt, FurAffinity, VGMusic, and FanFiction.net, and have begun removing content.


  "Super Mario" games, music, characters, and scenarios are © Nintendo, and don't you forget it. 

In a revolutionary move, the Revolution has revolutionized the next-gen revolution.  Nintendo has recently decided to use Microsoft Windows Vista as the operating system for their Wii console.

"We really think that the fans are going to love this," said a Nintendo representative who gave his name only as Reggie.  "I think they're going to get a kick out of paying a little extra for an operating system they're already familiar with."

Microsoft has already planned to release an exclusive edition of Windows Vista, calling it Vista Wii.  Remarkably, it will not be compatible with programs designed for other editions of Vista.

Sony strategists may see a priced-down PS2 as all the company needs in '06; the current success of the PSP in the handheld market being enough to support the company in the gaming industry.