The Koopatorivm

 Hi guys,

 First I must apologize for the lack of proper updates around here lately. We're in a bit of an overhaul period with help and staff, so I'm reorganizing the way updates will be carried out.  Now that it's the end of the semester for me, I'm at my busiest, but once I'm finished in May, expect that art updates will now be posted once a week like they used to be. It should make new material easier to find on the site, because it will be listed in a frontpage update.  

 Also, we are accepting offers for staff positions, namely art/content uploaders and article/news story writers.  E-mail me at This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it or send me a private message at the K-board if you are interested in these positions (examples of your writing ability recommended).

GamesIndustry says that Ignition Entertainment, a small company that focuses on the Wii and handheld consoles, believes that there is much more that the Wii-mote can do that other companies aren't doing.  Ed Bradley, the studio manager at Ignition, told Eurogamer that the remote can understand actions that are "far more complex and energetic than most players are interested in performing even in the privacy of their own homes."

 

Bradley went on to talk about how techno-wizardry is not as important as making a fun game, and that people don't care about what the graphics or technology are like as long as it's fun, and all that stuff that people have been saying since Pong.  GamesIndustry notes that Ignition is working on Mercury Meltdown Revolution, a game where you move little blobs of liquid around by tilting the controller.  Bradley states that they are almost finished with fine-tuning the control system.

 

More important, however, is this quote: "...so if it [the game] turns out to be fun only using a simple subset of the controller's gizmos then why worry about how 'proper' it is?"  When combined with the earlier quote about stuff that most gamers wouldn't want to do, I think the message is obvious.  Throughout the article there's a hint of deviancy–in fact, it seems that Mr. Bradley is a bit embarrassed of something that his company did.  Those with small children may not want to read past the break.

Well, there you have it. The Wii has now sold 10 Billion. Micro$oft has only sold 2 million in close to 2 years. Sony sucks.

In other fake news:
Metal Gear Solid 4 is confirmed for both Xbox 360 and Wii. PS3 version has been canceled.

Sony is retiring from the console business. They will now only manufacture lawn decorations, and Christmas hams.   

All Sony material will now be released for the virtual console on the Wii, as well as porn. 

source: me.

If you have any other exclusives, please let us know in the comments and we'll include them in our very important news update! 

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I've always felt that it is necessary to report the news to you, no matter how mundane.  With these new editorials (under the unassuming name of "Staff Rants"), I finally can.

It was Christmas 2006.  I had lain awake all night, waiting for Santa Claus (my parents used to tell me that he wouldn't go to our house if I was awake, but I never believed them).  Finally, around two o'clock in the morning, I heard what I had been waiting for my whole life.  Sleigh bells ringing?  Reindeer neighing?  A fat, jolly man ho-ho-hoing?

I rushed downstairs in my pajamas, lighting up the Christmas tree on the way.  Illuminated in the soft glow of the lights was a plate with some half-eaten cookies, a glass of half-drunk milk, and a small, modest box covered in wrapping paper.

Read more by hitting "read more"

Mario, known video game character and saver of Princess Peach, has recently been found in a New York hotel, surrounded by evidence linking him to the famous "Blanca" slavery ring.

    "I couldn't believe my eyes at first," said Officer Jenkins, who found Mario on Thursday.  "You just don't grow up thinking that you're going to arrest Mario."

    Mario was found with three kilograms of cocaine, five sheets of LSD, and twenty more kilograms of hallucinogenic mushrooms.  This seemed to be only half of his original supply, the rest having been consumed over the three weeks in which he had stayed at the hotel.

    "I didn't think that all of those little glass bottles with powder in them were anything to worry about," said the hotel receptionist, who wished to remain anonymous.  "I mean, here I am, Miss Mary Jules, and I just saw a guy with a moustache get a room.  Don't forget my anonymity, by the way."

    The investigation is still ongoing, but police are confident that they can link Mario to the white slavery ring through his heavy uses of drugs and his signed confession.

Could there be something fundamentally wrong with the PS3?

Consider, if you will, the following facts:

 1) Of the three newest consoles, both the XBox 360 and Wii have shown rather dramatic defects near release. A few of the 360s were known to overheat to the point of lighting themselves on fire. A few burnt apartments and lawsuits later, a recall was issued, and we learned that these select few systems overheated because they didn't have fans. On the one hand, you'd think that fans would be a rather important part of the picture and somebody would have caught this. On the other hand, if you can play enough time playing Halo 2 to the point where you cause your XBox to melt, there's probably something fundamentally wrong with you.

And then the Wii. It seems that there's a slight problem with the Wii wriststraps- they break at the worst possible times. I would have thought that there would have been some sort of playtesting involved on the straps, but maybe the playtesters committed the grave mistake of reading the instruction manual, which clearly states, "Please do not imitate an epileptic on Las Vegas' Strip at nighttime while holding the controller, you moron".

There's one shoe...

(read more after the jump) 

At first, like many others, I was very skeptical when Nintendo revealed the Wii's controller.  I really didn't like the sound of it, but after awhile I became neutral on the matter and decided that before I make my decision on whether or not to buy a Wii, I should try it first. 

A few days before Thanksgiving, I decided it would be a good idea to go to the mall, thinking that over the weekend it will be more crowded than New Jersey.  I head into EB games, determined to try out the Wii.  I was disappointed to see that they only had Excite Truck, as I was not anticipating it very much, but I decided to try it out anyway.  The controller wasn't there but the console was running, so I asked the man working there if I could try out the Wii.  To play, it required either an ID or a driver's license so if you stole the controller they could find you and castrate you.

(read more after the jump)